The Immaculate Conception

Or

Innocence and Back Again

CAST:

Narrator
God
Adam
Eve
Serpent
Angel #1
Angel #2
Mary

PART ONE

[GOD is miming planting seeds]

NARRATOR: In the Day, God planted a garden in Eden; and because He is God, He didn't even need any fertilizer. And into the garden, God put the two people He had formed.

[ADAM and EVE enter, look around. GOD stops planting and watches to see their reaction.]

ADAM: Whoa. Dude. Nice garden!

EVE: But where are the trees?

[GOD sighs, shrugs, and plants some more.]

NARRATOR: And God made every tree that is pleasant to the sight, and good for food. Oh, and He also made the tree of life and the tree of knowledge of good and evil.

EVE: Ahhhh. I love trees. [EVE reclines, as if under a tree]

ADAM: [moving like he's going to get some fruit] Whoa, honey, like fruit!

[GOD does a googly-eyes, and steps in front of ADAM]

GOD: Stop! You can eat from any trees in the garden - except those two! You may not eat from the tree of life, and you may not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. The day you eat from them, you will know death!

ADAM: Dude. Total bummer.

NARRATOR: But God did have a job for Adam.

GOD: [putting arm around ADAM, who gets more googly-eyed as GOD goes on] Come, Adam, I have created every herb-bearing seed upon the face of the earth, and every tree and plant, and every fish of the sea, and the fowl of the air and over the cattle, and every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. And I want you to name them all.

ADAM: Dude. Whoa. [Over shoulder to EVE] Like, seeya later, honey. [To GOD] Can I call that a poodle?

GOD: I was thinking that might be a fern. [GOD and ADAM leave]

Narrator: Did I mention that they were all naked? That's okay - they weren't ashamed. They were innocent - like a baby, who will happily run around naked. [EVE yawns, appears to be napping] So Eve was left alone while Adam was busy. And along came the serpent.

SERPENT: [Entering, looks at EVE and winks at audience] Fresh meat. I wonder what I can get her to do. [Goes and lies down next to EVE] Hey, baby.

EVE: [waking up] Wha? Huh?

SERPENT: Hey. What's to eat around here? Can you really just eat anything?

EVE: Yes...well, almost. Those two trees over there, God said not to eat from them or we would know death. Otherwise we can eat everything. The plums are especially good.

SERPENT: Those two trees? Kill you? Riiiiiiiight. I bet they're just the best, and God doesn't want you to have them.

EVE: I don't know... but they sure are pretty.

SERPENT: They look like pomegranates. [EVE starts licking her lips] Sweet, juicy pomegranates. I can almost taste them, look at the color on them. [SERPENT acts mad] It's not fair! God just doesn't want you to have it. He's being greedy!

EVE: Well, may...

SERPENT: [interrupting] There's enough there to feed a thousand people - but God won't even let you have ONE. What's one sweet, juicy, wonderful pomegranate going to do? He won't even miss it.

EVE: You're right. [She gets up, and mimes picking a fruit, takes a bite. SERPENT exunts, chuckling.] Oh, this is simply divine. Serpent, you were... where'd he go? Oh, wait, I think I hear Adam coming back.

ADAM: [entering] Antelope. Aardvark. Albatross. Ant. Albino. Apple. Dude. So many names. Oh, like Hi Eve.

EVE: You've GOT to try this! [mimes handing the fruit to ADAM, ADAM mimes taking a bite.]

ADAM: Whoa! Tubular! That's like, one eye-opening fruit, dude! Where'd you get it?

EVE: From the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

ADAM: [doing a double-take] DUUUUDE! Like, that is SO uncool! And, like, you're NAKED!

EVE: And you, you're NAKED TOO!

ADAM AND EVE: AAAAAAAaaaaaaaaah! [run offstage]

NARRATOR: God found out about this soon enough. [GOD and SERPENT start to come onstage] That kind of comes with being all-knowing. Since Adam and Eve had lost their innocence, He had to throw them out of Eden [OFFSTAGE: ADAM and EVE go "ooof!"], and into the real world. Then He looked at who started it.

SERPENT: Sssssss! I can exxxxxxxplain!

GOD: Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life! [SERPENT drops to ground, slithers offscreen]

GOD: Well, that takes care of them for a while.

NARRATOR: This is called the Fall of Man, when humanity lost its innocence, and the taint of Adam and Eve's disobeying has carried on from generation to generation. And time passed. A lot of time.

[ANGELS #1 & #2 enter]

ANGEL #1 (was ADAM): Um, Lord?

GOD: Yes, good angel?

ANGEL #1: I delivered that message you wanted, about a Messiah? I told Isaiah about it, and I'm pretty sure he got it right. I told Jeremiah too.

ANGEL #2: And I delivered several of those prophecies about the Messiah for you.

GOD: Very good. [GOD turns away. ANGEL #1 & #2 have a brief whispered argument, and finally ANGELS turns back to GOD]

ANGEL #1: Excuse me, Lord God?

GOD: Hm? Yes, what is it?

ANGEL #1: We understand the Messiah is to be your own Son.

GOD: Yes.

ANGEL #2: And when Adam and Eve ate from that tree so long ago, all humans inherit that original sin.

GOD: Yes.

ANGEL #1: And it wouldn't be right for your Son to be born by a sinner, right?

GOD: Yes.

ANGEL #2: And you haven't set up the sacrament of Baptism yet to get rid of that sin.

GOD: Yes... oh, I see the problem. [ANGEL #1 sighs.] It's taken care of. [GOD turns away.]

ANGEL #1: [looking frustrated] Um, God?

GOD: [turns back around] Yes?

ANGEL #1: HOW is it taken care of?

GOD: Oh, yes. [chuckles] Mary, come here. [MARY enters] This soul will become Mary, the mother of the Messiah. She is special; she will be the first human born without sin.

ANGEL #2: First? Who's second?

ANGEL #1: His Son, silly!

GOD: That's right. My Son will be both God and Man. Mary will have the ability to choose - she has free will. But she's special - she's the only one who will be free of that original sin at birth, and able to be the mother to my Son.

ANGEL #2: She can choose anything?

ANGEL #1: Isn't that staking a lot on only one human?

GOD: Well, we've got to hope. That's what I'm about, after all. Go on, Mary, it's time for you to be born. [MARY exits]

NARRATOR: And so Mary was conceived in the miracle of the Immaculate Conception, and became the first human to be born without original sin, and less than twenty years later, able to be the Mother of God.

[finis]