Sue looked up from Bobby's face a second before she leaped off of him.

"Dear Lord, Bobby, what's that?"

Lights blazed across the sky, connecting the two orbs hovering above the treetops. The deafening ZZZZAPs and BWEEOOOOs of science-fiction- movie lasers crisscrossed the heavens, burning the occasional tree when one craft or the other missed.

"Looks like sumthin' from Star Wars," Bobby said as he tried to hold Sue's hand while they hastily dressed.

Clouds of smoke began roiling from one craft, then rolling from the other. The firing ceased as Bobby and Sue ran toward Bobby's pickup, which was promptly crushed under one of the spaceships. Sue clung to Bobby as the door to one of the spacecraft opened.

"They're horrible!" she shrieked, her eyes shut tight.

She opened them again to find herself looking into the muzzle of what was quite unmistakably a gun, wielded by the most gorgeous man she had ever laid eyes upon.

"On the floor and spread 'em!" he said. Actually, he didn't really say that. He said something like "Gkn'aaapth blooka!", but she could somehow understand that he said "On the floor and spread 'em!"

Bobby watched, frozen, as the men patted Sue down for weapons. One of them, a little more decorated than the others, came over and shook Bobby's hand. "Good work at capturing that spy. Let's get out of here before - "

"You are all our prisoners," a silky voice suggested. Bobby turned toward the other spaceship and was quite interested to notice that the voice was attached to the hottest-looking gun-toting babe he'd seen in a long time. Not that he saw many hot-looking, gun-toting babes, but if he had, he was sure that this was the hottest-lookingest, with the biggest, er, gun.

"Now wait just one second," the Captain (he looked like a Captain, so that's how Bobby thought of him) said. "This is our colony planet."

"Bull," responded the woman in her sexy voice. "This is our planet, which you're trying to subvert."

"Can I get up now?" Sue asked.

Everyone ignored her as they primed laser pistols, energy rifles, and other such technological weapons of destruction.

"Hey now," Bobby said, "this ain't no colony planet thingie. This is the Earth, and the United States of America, and y'all are treatin' my girlfriend just a bit -"

He never got past that, since all the aliens, who, now that he noticed it, looked very similar within each group, gasped "GirlFRIEND?" quite audibly.

Finally, the Captain, as Bobby liked to call him, never guessing that he was quite correct, came forward.

"You claim this, this woman, as a friend?"

Bobby could vaguely hear the lead woman (Captainess?) asking the same thing of Sue.

"Friend?" Bobby said. "Heck, we were just havin' us a little roll in the hay just before you showed up." When the Captain looked confused, Bobby leaned closer and whispered "Ya know, screwin'?"

"Sex!" gasped the Captain.

The women aliens stared at the male aliens, who stared right back. Bobby could feel the horror passing between them. He knew he wasn't that good looking, but imagining him and Sue having sex shouldn't be that bad...

"Traitor!" screamed the males, who promptly blew Bobby's head into it's component atoms.

"Traitor!" screamed the females, who promptly did the same to Sue.

The aliens looked at each other over the smoking corpses.

"Gotta waste the planet," said the Captainess.

"Sterilize it from orbit," said the Captain.

"I had never thought," said the Captainess. "We have to postpone the War temporarily to rid the galaxy of this disease."

"Agreed," said the Captain, and they all returned to their ships.

As they raked the planet with rays of plasma, the Captain looked at his second-in-command. "I'm looking forward to wasting those females once we're done," the Captain said.