Perverse In Florida      
Surgical Steel #14 @2504
Tue Dec 26 21:35:31 1995
Response To: ALL                      


        Hi.  I have a cousin who lives in Gainsville, Florida, and he
        keeps writing me these letters about new sex tricks he tries.  I
        am *nowhere* near bold enough to try some of this, but you might
        enjoy it.  Ummm...I take no responsibility for this stuff, okay?

Cousin Surge [ed. note: name changed to protect the innocent],

        How are things in Korea?  I just got myself a new girlfriend,
        name of Darlene.  She's a wild babe, really into some kinky
        stuff.  But she keeps saying that I don't go deep enough (9
        inches ain't deep enough?  Scary!).  So I came up with a way to
        fix it.  Check this out:

        1) Tie Darlene to the bed (I'm not jealous), and even if 9
        inches isn't deep enough, she's still a babe.
        2) Make sure she's tied in a spreadeagle position, her legs as
        close to 180 degrees as you can get them.
        3) Make sure you've got about 8 foot clearance from the end of
        the bed to the far wall.  Perhaps you should learn from my
        mistakes and do this before tying Darlene to the bed.  I ended
        up having to drag the bed through the living room to the dining
        room to get enough space, and people sure stared at her through
        my picture window.  If she hadn't been tied to the bed...well,
        maybe you'd better tie her to the bed first anyway.
        4) Fasten a harness to the bottom of a porch swing (the big
        wooden type).  You probably want to do this before tying Darlene
        to the bed, etc.  She got real impatient while I drilled holes
        in the ceiling.
        5) Fasten yourself in the harness with your stomach facing the
        floor (this is important!!!).
        6) Get yourself as far back as possible.
        7) Aim yourself at her nether regions.
        8) let go of whatever you're holding onto, and swing forward at
        remarkable speed.

        Although this technique really sucks for repeated thrusting,
        man, that first one's a doozy.

        REMEMBER TO AIM!

        Your Cousin,

                        Perverse in Florida

... Save trees, eat beavers.