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Scene II.
A prison.

Enter the Constables [Dogberry and Verges] and the Sexton, in
gowns, [and the Watch, with Conrade and] Borachio.

  Dog. Is our whole dissembly appear'd?
  Verg. O, a stool and a cushion for the sexton.
  Sex. Which be the malefactors?
  Dog. Marry, that am I and my partner.
  Verg. Nay, that's certain. We have the exhibition to examine.
  Sex. But which are the offenders that are to be examined? let them
    come before Master Constable.
  Dog. Yea, marry, let them come before me. What is your name,
    friend?
  Bor. Borachio.
  Dog. Pray write down Borachio. Yours, sirrah?
  Con. I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.
  Dog. Write down Master Gentleman Conrade. Masters, do you serve
    God?
  Both. Yea, sir, we hope.
  Dog. Write down that they hope they serve God; and write God first,
    for God defend but God should go before such villains! Masters,
    it is proved already that you are little better than false
    knaves, and it will go near to be thought so shortly. How answer
    you for yourselves?
  Con. Marry, sir, we say we are none.
  Dog. A marvellous witty fellow, I assure you; but I will go about
    with him. Come you hither, sirrah. A word in your ear. Sir, I say
    to you, it is thought you are false knaves.
  Bora. Sir, I say to you we are none.
  Dog. Well, stand aside. Fore God, they are both in a tale.
    Have you writ down that they are none?
  Sex. Master Constable, you go not the way to examine. You must call
    forth the watch that are their accusers.
  Dog. Yea, marry, that's the eftest way. Let the watch come forth.
    Masters, I charge you in the Prince's name accuse these men.
  1. Watch. This man said, sir, that Don John the Prince's brother
    was a villain.
  Dog. Write down Prince John a villain. Why, this is flat perjury,
    to call a prince's brother villain.
  Bora. Master Constable--
  Dog. Pray thee, fellow, peace. I do not like thy look, I promise
    thee.
  Sex. What heard you him say else?
  2. Watch. Marry, that he had received a thousand ducats of Don John
    for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.
  Dog. Flat burglary as ever was committed.
  Verg. Yea, by th' mass, that it is.
  Sex. What else, fellow?
  1. Watch. And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to
    disgrace Hero before the whole assembly, and not marry her.
  Dog. O villain! thou wilt be condemn'd into everlasting redemption
    for this.
  Sex. What else?
  Watchmen. This is all.
  Sex. And this is more, masters, than you can deny. Prince John is
    this morning secretly stol'n away. Hero was in this manner
    accus'd, in this manner refus'd, and upon the grief of this
    suddenly died. Master Constable, let these men be bound and
    brought to Leonato's. I will go before and show him their
    examination.                                         [Exit.]
  Dog. Come, let them be opinion'd.
  Verg. Let them be in the hands--
  Con. Off, coxcomb!
  Dog. God's my life, where's the sexton? Let him write down the
    Prince's officer coxcomb. Come, bind them.--Thou naughty varlet!
  Con. Away! you are an ass, you are an ass.
  Dog. Dost thou not suspect my place? Dost thou not suspect my
    years? O that he were here to write me down an ass! But,masters,
    remember that I am an ass. Though it be not written down, yet
    forget not that I am an ass. No, thou villain, thou art full of
    piety, as shall be prov'd upon thee by good witness. I am a wise
    fellow; and which is more, an officer; and which is more, a
    householder; and which is more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any
    is in Messina, and one that knows the law, go to! and a rich
    fellow enough, go to! and a fellow that hath had losses; and one
    that hath two gowns and everything handsome about him. Bring him
    away. O that I had been writ down an ass!
                                                         Exeunt.

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