There is nothing more American than selling out; a recent Utne Reader dealt with the issue. I felt compelled to write this quasi-editorial in response.

The October air is crisp as I sit on my back stair, listening to the loud whisper of gusting air through leaves and the nearby shouts of children playing. My Utne Reader is beneath my notepad as I write this; I've closed its cover for a reason.

I have not yet mentioned the cigarette burning between my fingers, the rum-and-coke beside me that has provided such a warm feeling in my gut, or the fact that I am an enlisted member of the United States Army.

Have faith, dear liberal readers! Please - continue to read, and do not rest in the smug presumption that you know what I am about to write, or you about to read!

Yet, I feel that I have just lost half of my readership - but they are the ones that I want to talk about, so let's do it behind their mental backs. You see, I am not talking about Cathy Madison, whose frontispiece is perhaps the most touching essay I've yet read by her. I am talking about you, the readership of Utne Reader, about people in general, about - appropriately enough - selling out.

I must admit, I've only read the letters section of the November/December issue so far, but that has been enough to illustrate the entire point of the issue.

With precious few exceptions, the letters were complaints. This is normal - even expected - but the irony lies that the complaints can be boiled down to this:

"Someone else has sold out. They didn't try hard enough, didn't do or mention something, or neglected my own personal concerns."

It would be - will be, rather - easy for me to point out the absolute certainty that every single one of these writers has sold out to some degree in their lives.

I know I have.

My decisions can be rationalized. So can anyone else's. The simple truth is that ideals are "ideal" - and we, as humans, are not. Blaming others for past actions and decisions - whether it was having too many children, buying from a known sweatshop, writing a letter, joining the Army - is an exercise that only benefits the self-esteem of the berator.

"They tripped there. Good thing I knew that step was there! How stupid they are!"

I have become more "green" in thoughts and actions not due to beration, but by positive exposure to the mindset, by seeing the example of friends and acquaintances, by reading about the consequences of my everyday actions again and again. It crept up on me slowly, until it became part of my way of thinking.

I have only one child, and have no desire for another. I buy prepackaged foods, eat meat, and generally live a typical American lifestyle. I even use Nutrasweet - a Monsanto product. One of my best friends has five children, but eats only organic vegetarian foods, buys organically and sustainably, and generally makes her lifestyle reflect many of the ideals I see espoused in Utne Reader.

Which of us has fallen?

One of the most worthwhile concepts in Christianity (which, lest you be mistaken, I'm not an adherent of) is predated by Aristotle. Just as there is some ideal geometric shape, some ideal human, we are but the flawed shadows of that ideal, tainted by original sin. It is our place to strive for that ideal - but we must always remember that none of us are that ideal, whether we call it Buddha, Jesus, Tao, or "green".

We must seek our balance in differing views, learning from the successes and failures of others. This is the strength of Utne Reader.

This is the strength of all of us.