For a while now, I've been concerned about the male and female-bashing e-mails and jokes that come through the ether to my computer. Such bloodsport does not amuse me, and I automatically delete any mail that starts with "10 Reasons Why Anything Is Better Than a Man/Woman." Such bitter diatribes disguised as humor only serve to exacerbate the culturally generated issues between males and females.

A more recent and vicious variation on the male/female bashing messages is the domestic violence "joke." These crude attempts at humor belittle females and make light of the danger faced by too many women and children today. What appalls me is that supposedly educated, socially aware people repeat these jokes. What shames me is that few -- including myself -- will call these "jokers" to task.

I lacked the courage to stand up to this just the other day. Someone told a domestic violence joke, and I didn't speak up. I just sat there. It was a family gathering, the holidays, you know, and I didn't want to upset the Norman Rockwell facade. That is not an excuse, and maybe it's not even a very good explanation for my behavior. I just let the conversation continue, even when the same person made disparaging remarks on the physiological effects of aging on women (with his wife's encouragement).

I just sat there.

Repeating ethnic or racial jokes is (in most circles) considered extremely gauche, unfeeling, crude, and insensitive. It's hard to imagine a gathering where such things would be allowed to pass without comment. Yet, when people repeat tasteless and cruel jokes about stupid women with black eyes, female anatomy, and male domination, people laugh (perhaps a little nervously) or even add a joke or two of their own.

Or, like me, they just sit there.

In a society where women and children are beaten, some to the point of hospitalization or even death, such "humor" minimalizes the very real pain and damage caused by domestic violence. Anecdotes that make light of another's agony give tacit approval to the abusers. One of the reasons the cycle of violence continues is that it is not taken seriously.

We all just sit there.

Women are not guiltless. Women laugh at domestic violence jokes, too. Perhaps they are ignorant of the privilege they enjoy, or they may be operating under the misconception that violence only occurs in certain demographic groups. Whatever their reasons, they still giggle and give unspoken support of a male superiority mentality, or (worse yet) shrug their shoulders and say, "Boys will be boys."

Or, they just sit there.

Next time, I hope that I will have the courage to be prepared to open my mouth and speak up for my sisters and the children who suffer at the hands of those who believe that might makes right. I want to be willing to risk the wrath and ire of others in order to stand up for those who can not speak up for themselves. I want to be one who will try to change things in our society, rather than be a sheep who follows the crowd.

I don't want to just sit there.

One other thing I want to do: I want to ask the people who repeat these jokes to do a little editing next time they feel a need to share their humor. Instead of saying "a woman," I'd like them to fill in the blank with the names of their mothers, their wives, their daughters, their friends. I want them to think of how they would feel if the significant women in their lives were beaten, bloody and bruised. I want them to think of these women so afraid for their lives, so emotionally scarred that they can not fight back for themselves.

And then, I dare them to just sit there.

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